Warning: main(header.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 1
Warning: main(header.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 1
Warning: main(header.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 1
Warning: main() [function.include]: Failed opening 'header.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 1
Blog
A journal I keep mainly for myself, as opposed to my LiveJournal, which is for sharing and communicating with friends.
[Wednesday, July 30, 2008] Slumming in Paradise?
I'm back in California and I can't sleep. I do sleep at night, but it's only for about two or three hours at a time, and when I wake up I can never go back to bed. I think I feel restless... When I was in Japan, there was never enough time to do anything. Now I have so much free time on my hands--no money to go out, so I just sit at home all day, eating.
Everyday I wish I could go to the Waseda gym, haha, because now I have all this free time to work out! Today we had a cardio-kickboxing lesson with Aaron's mom. It felt really good to be active again, and I can definitely tell that my body is a lot stronger than before I went to Japan because I had much more energy and even at the end felt like I could keep going.
My hand is getting better... I'm trying to be good about changing my bandages. All I have to do is look at the burns and the fear of it leaving scars is enough to motivate me to clean and rebandage the wounds. It really itches but I'm afraid to scratch it so I just 我慢.
[Wednesday, August 16, 2006] San Jose
My uncle called this morning! My grandparents are paying for a round-trip on Amtrak so I can visit home once more before school starts. ^_^ I wasn't sure how I'd get to San Jose because I can't afford a ticket; Aaron can't drive me since he has work (and my car is to old to make the drive across the state). But now everything is solved, and I'm taking the train on Friday.
I can't wait to see my friends, and my grandma's going to cook me talong (eggplant). My favorite!
[Monday, June 12, 2006] J-Station
Aaron works at J-Station Anime in Walnut (formerly Orbit-Squared). I got the okay from the higher-ups to sit behind the counter since I'm there so often, but this does add the complication of people thinking I work there. (^_^;)
On Saturday morning Aaron was doing something in the back, so I got to answer a girl's questions and sign her up for rental membership all by myself. (Coolest part, though, was that she was from Morgan Hill as well and graduated the year before me.) Of course, signing people up for membership is about all I can do since I have no idea how to work the computer for the register...
[Wednesday, March 23, 2005] And I Yelled at Him for No Reason
I feel like a horrible person. I remember my life a year ago; I was so depressed, and it seemed like the only way I could be happy was if I was on my own and controlling my own life, not having it controlled for me. But I'm not happy right now, not very.
I'm sick. I got sick, got better, and then after Anime Overdose, my body took a giant crash. My immune system completely failed me, and now I've been sick for almost three weeks. I suspect it may be bronchitis, but I can't get it checked out until we get back from spring break, which won't be until next week.
The reason that I didn't get it checked sooner is because I just didn't have the time, which is another problem. I have a full schedule of classes this year. Not all of them are incredibly hard, but it is still eating away at my time. I don't feel like I have the time for anything. It's just project after project, paper after midterm. The assignments never stop coming. With all this school, I never have time for my online needs anymore, plus the Internet in our dorm has been out for three weeks. I never update my LJ. I haven't worked on this website. I nearly got kicked out of my PBEM writing group because I wasn't posting actively anymore.
I barely have time for work. Between going to San Francisco for the con and taking time off for school and spring break, I've probably worked about five weeks or so of shifts this year, and my paychecks are really showing it. I have barely any money. I haven't been this incredibly poor since I was in high school. I know that wasn't that long ago, but I seriously thought I'd escaped unhappy high school things like taking the bus, dealing with my controlling parents, and not having any money. I never realized I'd be at a state where I had to wait to buy some more contact lenses because I can't afford them or where I couldn't pay my phone bill. Thank god I have a Go Phone, which is optional payment rather than a contract, or else I'd be broke by now. I wish I had the cushion of money to make me feel better. I wish I didn't have to worry about whether or not I'd be able to pay my bills. I kind of wish my parents would pay back the $500 they owe me, but that's not going to happen.
With all this going on, I've felt really negative about myself lately. Because I'm sick, I don't have any energy, so I haven't been getting anything accomplished, other than playing The Sims 2 for the past three days (which is really fun, but not an accomplishment). I'm not too happy about the way I look: I've been going to the gym, but between sickness and staying up late studying, gym time has been disappearing. I haven't felt like I could do anything really well -- like play a video game or climb a rock wall (today I only made it 3/4 of the way up before I got scared and had to go back down).
I just... don't see myself as a worthy person. Aaron says I'm getting down on myself too hard, but I can't find anything about myself right now that I really like. I'm horrible to him, as well. He is such a sweet and wonderful person, but I find myself almost yelling at him or at least being crabby and sort of blaming it on him because it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to -- mostly because the things I want to do involve him.
For example, I was in bed, feeling really bad about myself. I almost wanted to cry, and I asked him to come over because I wanted to snuggle with. He asked if it was okay if he finished up the day he was doing on The Sims, which I think is reasonable because it's hard to shut off the game in the middle of something and resume it. So I ended up grabbing a pillow and hugging it until he came to bed, so I could snuggle with him and listen to music and feel better.
Well, it didn't turn out the way that I wanted to. I fell asleep. Not very long, but when I woke up, he was climbing into bed in his pajamas, ready to go to sleep. The music was off, so I couldn't listen to it anymore. And he was ready for bed, so there wasn't going to be any snuggling going on. I was really upset for falling asleep. I could have done what I'd planned to do, if only I'd stayed awake. I was upset with myself, but I yelled at him for no reason. Not literally yelled, but the equivalent. He tried to put his arms around me in bed, but I pushed him away and turned my back to him. I scooted to the edge of the bed. I couldn't sleep anymore because I was so upset. He left the room, probably because of my childishness.
I turned on my laptop to get all of this out. I shouldn't have taken this out on him. I shouldnt overreact so much when something doesn't go the way I planned. I just... I really needed to be held. I was feeling so awful that all I wanted was to snuggle up with someone I love and listen to music until I felt better.
[Sunday, June 23, 2002] Ray's Party
Man, I must have been sleepy this morning. Look at that post! "I won in a game of Pit." Look at that grammar! "I'll explain more after I get a few hours's sleep." WHAT WAS I ON????! Just kidding ;) Jenn asked me to be her sister site so I'm feeling awfully happy and appreciated here. *Smiles* Well Ray's party was fun yesterday. The food was good, though there was no vinegar for the lumpia (similar to egg rolls but ten times better, man!) and I was too stuffed to eat by the time all the best Filipino dishes arrived. Oh, well that's just my luck. Anyway... I couldn't swim yesterday - no bathing suit and I wasn't feeling well. However, not wearing a bathing suit didn't stop Lianna's friend Brittany from jumping into the pool (with all her clothes on!!!) I liked Brittany even though I didn't talk to her that much. She's said to be punk, but I don't know her well enough to verify that. Now I'm accusing her of posing, but so many people claim to be punk these days I swear my "Fearless Leader" Melissa's gonna have a heart attack. Anyway, I think what really made an impression om me about Brittany (and I'm probably spelling her name wrong here) is her looks. No, not in that way. What I mean is that she looked like Jocelyn! My friend in Salinas who I haven't seen in three years. Oh, yea -- funny thing about Lianna's friends: when Mommy came to the party, she said to me, "Damn, Chris! Look at Lianna's friends. They're younger than you, but they have bigger boobs than me!" LOL I played some online freecell yesterday. But get this! I was playing against two computers and some guy. I seemed to have foiled his every attempt to shoot the moon and was in first place. We were on what seemed like the last round because one player's score was in the 90s when I got kicked off! Can you believe that??! MAN!!! Grr, lol. We watched Men in Black on DVD as prep for MIB2, and people in the living room were glued to the television set! Including me -- it was a long time since any of us had seen it, I guess, and you know what? Men in Black is a very good movie. I'm kinda not looking forward to MIB2 because it has that Jackass Knox guy in it. I don't hate him because he's stupid, but because the material on his show he stole from Wild 94.9's Dog House without giving them any credit whatsoever. And the worst part is that only people in the Bay Area seem to care. I wore my new shirt yesterday. I got it when I went shopping with grandma Friday. I love that shirt, I think, because it reminds me of a splash page. Funny, huh? But it has some glitter on the front, and I was "shedding" all over the couch! Poor couch... =P
Well I mentioned earlier that we played "Pit." It's played with cards (not your standard 52 deck, but playing cards with pictures of certain produce commodities on them). There are nine of each commodity, and you can hold nine in your hand at each time. You trade with other people to get nine of a kind by SHOUTING. Yes, this game certainly woke me up. You trade up to for at a time of all matching cards by saying one, two, three, or four then trading those with a person who's asking for the same number until you have one commodity in your hand. Now that I think of it, it's sort of like "spoons" without the circular card passing (or the spoons). I won first, Darren won second, and Uncle Aaron won third. Winners got to sit on the bed while the others had to sit on the floor, hehe. Little Jaime kept hoarding the cards: I don't think he quite got the concept of the game except that you're supposed to shout ;P Got back late last night, around midnight. OK, so that's not really late, but I was TIRED. Yet I still stayed up surfing the net until 5AM, stupid me.
Warning: main(footer.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 655
Warning: main(footer.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 655
Warning: main(footer.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 655
Warning: main() [function.include]: Failed opening 'footer.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/felix6/public_html/lbc/labels/Aaron.php on line 655